Amanda Levitt and I were on HuffPo live earlier today talking about fat stigma. Amanda and I say smart things, but not everyone on the panel is entirely fat positive.
Selfish Women
This is part of a new blog project where I’m asking women about being selfish. Interested in participating? Email me at jenn @ fatsmartandpretty.com.
Today we have Grace, a badass poet and English/French double major who aspires to make the world realize the importance of novels in verse.
1. What’s the last thing you did exclusively for yourself?
The last thing I did exclusively for myself…I just got back from a Spring Break in Ireland (I am studying abroad at the moment), but I only decided to go because we to leave our host families for break, so I’m not sure that counts. Other than that…I joined a board game group in Paris (where I am studying abroad), and even though I am supposed to be immersed in the language, I joined an English speaking group, because I wanted to. So I suppose that’s it.
2. If you had an hour and $20 to spend on yourself, what would you do?
If I had an hour and $20 to spend on myself…I would try to find a $20 massage! I know that’s a little unrealistic though, so I would probably go to some sort of craft fair or flea market and spend the hour looking at things that interest me, and maybe buy something.
3. What do you think of the word “selfish”? I think the word selfish has an unfair reputation. I think it is important for my health and well-being to be selfish sometimes, and I suspect that I am not alone in this. But our culture gives the whole idea such a bad reputation, even though doing things for yourself really is necessary. Even in writing this, I made myself discount things that I did mostly for myself but also for other people (ex: telling a friend that I can’t help them because I can’t handle it and they wouldn’t get the aid they are looking for) because our culture is so against this idea of being selfish.
Finally it’s here! That feels SO good to say! You can NOW shop at AshleyNellTipton.com Thank you everyone for your patience and support!
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IMPORTANT FATSHION UPDATE!
UP TO A SIZE 6X WITH SOME PIECES CUT GENEROUSLY.
This is part of a new blog project where I’m asking women about being selfish. Interested in participating? Email me at jenn @ fatsmartandpretty.com.
Today we have Jen Anderson who blogs at Fashionably Late To The Party and is on twitter as @JenAndersonNYC
1) What’s the last thing you did exclusively for yourself?
This is actually a really hard question. If I decide to spend an afternoon with a friend, it does me a lot of good, it gives her a well-needed break, too. If I paint my nails just because I like how it looks, I might get compliments on it, so it’s a conversation opener. I’m in therapy, but that benefits other people as much as it does myself. (My husband and I tried to adopt a tween from the foster system and it didn’t work out, so me recovering from that benefits my husband, as well as the next kid we try with.) I guess I’ll say that letting myself take a sick day is the last thing I did that was exclusively for myself. When you’re self-employed (as I am) not working affects your income, but sometimes you have to tuck yourself into the couch and watch some TV. Which I did several times in the past week thanks to the cold my husband brought home from a local film festival (I’m calling it the Film Festival Phlegm-stravaganza).
2) If you had an hour and $20 to spend on yourself, what would you do?
I’d walk over to the local yoga/acupuncture studio and get some “community acupuncture”. You sit in lounge chairs in the yoga room and get acupuncture in whatever body parts they can access with your clothes still on. I like to stare at the beautiful tin ceiling (it’s in an old building) and I’ve dozed off a few times. So relaxing.
3) What do you think of the word “selfish”?
I think the word “selfish” just means that you’re not doing what someone else wants or expects you to. It’s a word that’s used to control women—how often do you hear men being called selfish for choosing not to have children, or visit their parents for the holidays. A woman who’s putting everyone else before herself just to avoid being called selfish—she’s so busy and overwhelmed that she doesn’t realize how unfair her situation might be. But on the flip side, several people have told me how impressed they are that my husband and I are going to try to adopt from the foster system again, like we’re the most selfless people on Earth. When really, this is just how we’ve decided to create our family and we’re not going to let one bad experience deprive us of what we want. Maybe that shows selfishness, maybe it’s just determination, but it’s certainly not selflessness. So I guess selfish is knowing what you want and not apologizing for it.
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My fatness doesn’t exist in a vacuum. People care about my fat body because we have created these invisible structures like capitalism, misogyny, and colonialism that teach us what bodies are good and what bodies are bad. The problem is, they’re wrong. Hundreds of years of human history has gotten it wrong. The reason why people have issues with my body is not because my body is bad. As Glenn Marla says, there is no wrong way to have a body. So instead of getting upset at my body for not fitting into the thin ideal, I let myself get really angry at ubiquitous and yet faceless rich, white men who have created these social structures. That anger often ignites my determination to wear a tank top and proudly display my fat arms and hairy armpits. That’s right rich, white men: look at my body and be afraid.
