I’ve taken to posting congratulatory posts for my single friends. I’ve done it without much fanfare (but with loads of enthusiastic consent. I really don’t want to post someone who isn’t cool with being single and celebrating it.) But today I was a part of a conversation on facebook about this, and it reaffirmed by thoughts that this is important. Obviously facebook has its limitations, and changing culture requires a commitment beyond a pithy post about how one of my friends is an awesome badass (because so many of my friends are). 
I’m sick of how our culture mandates relationships. How we only celebrate each other when we get engaged and married and have babies. I think it feeds into a heteronormative, capitalist vision of “family” that is demonstrably damaging to anyone who doesn’t assimilate. It’s also just annoying as fuck to logon to facebook and see a stream of vapid posts on weddings, engagements, and anniversaries. I’m glad y’all are happy, but I’m on facebook to stalk high school friends I don’t actually care about…
It’s not just about posting nice things about my friends on facebook.  I want to start a dialogue. I love what Chanel Dubofsky has done with The Marriage Project, and I want to do more. I want to talk about how we deal the scripted norms of romantic relationships.  Why are we so invested in romantic relationships? How can we have relationships that feel good without buying into heteronormative, patriarcial, white-supremacist, capitalist bullshit? Why am I buying you a wedding gift when I can’t afford it? Do I have to throw myself a Carrie Bradshaw-esque party to cool kitchen shit? How do you deal with being single? Is celebrating singledom a way to fight back? 

I’ve taken to posting congratulatory posts for my single friends. I’ve done it without much fanfare (but with loads of enthusiastic consent. I really don’t want to post someone who isn’t cool with being single and celebrating it.) But today I was a part of a conversation on facebook about this, and it reaffirmed by thoughts that this is important. Obviously facebook has its limitations, and changing culture requires a commitment beyond a pithy post about how one of my friends is an awesome badass (because so many of my friends are). 

I’m sick of how our culture mandates relationships. How we only celebrate each other when we get engaged and married and have babies. I think it feeds into a heteronormative, capitalist vision of “family” that is demonstrably damaging to anyone who doesn’t assimilate. It’s also just annoying as fuck to logon to facebook and see a stream of vapid posts on weddings, engagements, and anniversaries. I’m glad y’all are happy, but I’m on facebook to stalk high school friends I don’t actually care about…

It’s not just about posting nice things about my friends on facebook.  I want to start a dialogue. I love what Chanel Dubofsky has done with The Marriage Project, and I want to do more. I want to talk about how we deal the scripted norms of romantic relationships.  Why are we so invested in romantic relationships? How can we have relationships that feel good without buying into heteronormative, patriarcial, white-supremacist, capitalist bullshit? Why am I buying you a wedding gift when I can’t afford it? Do I have to throw myself a Carrie Bradshaw-esque party to cool kitchen shit? How do you deal with being single? Is celebrating singledom a way to fight back? 

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